What a Ripoff

My hand got stuck to the remote control today. I was doing some carpentry around the house and I accidentally got super glue on my hand and then I grabbed the remote to turn on That 70's Show, and I couldn't put it down. I tried everything to get it off - turpentine, water, oil, soap, punching the wall, nothing worked at all. I didn't want to call an ambulance because I'm broke. Did you know it costs money to have an ambulance come to your house? What a ripoff.

So I sat and I thought. The power of the mind is the greatest power of all. Except this time. I wish I had the power to release super glue from my skin. That would be the greatest power of all. So I thought. And I thought. And I thought. Nothing came.

Then I had an epiphany. What if this is a GOOD thing? I mean I'll never lose the remote again. How many times have I lost the remote? A lot of times. I called my friend Nicolas and he suggested cutting off my hand. "Yeah man, I'll come over and do it for you. You won't feel a thing. It'll just happen so fast." Nicolas is a moron. I regretted that phone call instantly.

So what does a guy do with a remote control stuck to his hand? He sulks. He sits around watching TV, because really what else is there to do? I couldn't sleep, I couldn't exercise, I couldn't tie my shoe, I couldn't do anything except watch TV.

Have you guys seen Dirty Jobs? I love that show.