The Funky Collection

I'm in a Beatles cover band. I'm George. My friends Paul, John, and Ringo are the other members of the band. John is Ringo, Paul is John, and Ringo is Paul. We've usually just played the older Beatles stuff, the softer side of things. You know, such greats as "I Want to Hold Your Hand," and "Eight Days a Week."

At band practice last week Ringo (Paul) brought up the idea of playing some of The Beatles crazier stuff, "the funky collection," is how he put it. We thought about it for a while. We weren't sure if we had the vocal capabilities or the finger dexterity or the confidence for songs like, "One after 909" and "Come Together." But we thought we would give it a try.

We practiced these songs, 12 new songs total. We had a gig lined up last night at Johnny's Tap, a real slick bar in Northwest Indiana. The place was packed. We came on stage in our costumes. We decided that each one of us would represent a different time period of the Beatles and we would dress accordingly. I wore a black suit with a skinny tie with a bowl cut hairpiece. Ringo (Paul) wore an Indian sari, John (Ringo) wore one of those fringy hippy vests and bell bottom jeans, and Paul (John) wore a white shroud.

We started with "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and we totally ruined it. It was horrible. We weren't in tune, the lyrics were wrong, the CD was skipping, and the crowd was booing. We walked off the stage as losers - total failures. That was our last show - our only show. We're temporarily disbanding.

Things come, things go. C'est la vie. Carpe Diem. E Pluribus Unum.