Britney Spears

I recently took my creativity and competency to another level. I wanted to make whiskey in my bathtub. First thing I did was clean out my bathtub. It was filthy. There was a layer of dirt all around and inside the tub. What you need to know is that I don't bathe in this bathtub. I found this bathtub on the side of the road and decided to take it home. You never know what you need a spare bathtub for. And voila! Now I can make homemade whiskey.

I'm not one to read instructions or recipes or warnings. I figure I can just do it myself. I don't need anyone's help. Seriously, how hard can it be to make whiskey? You just need hops, water, rubbing alcohol, 3 eggs, dog biscuits, gin, beer, the ace of spades, a cut out Beetle Bailey cartoon, six sunflower seeds, a 1987 David Justice baseball card, a spare tire, sawdust, fairy dust, a baby tooth, a hammer, 14 Tyson Anytizers, toothpaste, Prozac, vitamin water, dirt (ironic, I know), cinnamon, a 15 lb dumbbell, a Christmas sweater, an old copy of Dances With Wolves, some rocks and a piano.

Once I gathered all my materials I decided I needed a bigger tub. All this stuff wouldn't fit in my backyard tub (or my inside tub). I gave it a rest. I sold the bathtub for some Britney Spears tickets and went to the concert. When she came on stage with glitter galore and lights luminating the landscape, I knew I made the right choice.

So next time ya'll want to make yourself something special, just keep in mind that sometimes some things are more important than others.