Rip Rip One Two

Editor's Note: Before I start, I want to make something clear - I usually don't make fun of people or complain and I usually don't tell true stories. The story you are about to enjoy involves all three: truth, making fun of someone and complaints. If you are the guy referenced in this post - GRRRRRRR.
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I went to the Cubs game this afternoon. By myself. I had nothing else to do and I live so close to Wrigley Field, it was really a no-brainer. Just a quick walk. I was sitting in section 206 behind the Cubs bullpen in left field. (I just wanted to give you all a reference point.) There was this guy sitting behind me who was either really drunk or really dumb. I was leaning toward dumb because I didn't see him imbibe anything other than Diet Coke. He was wearing over sized aviator glasses (it was very cloudy), a plaid shirt with snap buttons open to his hairy chest, skinny jeans and Chuck Taylors. He was about 24-25 years old. Oh and he had a Budweiser trucker hat on.

Every time a girl walked in front of him, he would start on this bizarre baseball lingo that I'm pretty sure he made up. It went something like this: "Come on baby baby, little rip rip one two rip rip you got it rip rip baby baby oh baby one two." Then the girl would pass and he would go back to his other rants that went like this: "Let's go Cubs, you got this! We can do this!" It didn't matter at all what was happening on the field. The grounds crew could have been out sweeping the infield and he would say, "COME ON BABY WE GOT THIS! ONE TWO ONE TWO RIP RIP RIP."

As the game went on and the Cubs looked like they were going to lose, he turns to his friend and says, "I am so drunk, dude." So I guess he was drunk and I was wrong. But I'd rather be wrong than be that guy. Rip Rip Rip One Two One Two Rip One Two Rip Rip Here We Go Baby Baby Oh Baby Rip Rip Rip.