Maple Syrup Marmalade

You know the drill. You've all been to a restaurant. You sit down and get your water, you get your menus, look it over for a bit and the waiter/tress comes over to you. They ask if you want a cocktail or beverage of any type and then begin to tell you the specials for that day. This is where the metaphoric shit hits the metaphoric fan.

It's one of the most awkward positions to be in. It's like wearing a banana suit on bandanna day. It's like being a 14 year old boy with a full beard and a forest in your pants the size of the Amazon. It's just a situation you don't want to be in. Here's why -

What do you do? Do you keep staring at the waiter while he reads to you? Then it's just a stare-off. You know the waiter won't break eye contact with you and you don't want to be rude. The waiter knows you don't want to stare, hell he doesn't want to stare. But it's ingrained in us. You just stare. So as Francisco (the waiter) tells you about the duck confit with a maple syrup marmalade and the shaved oregano salad with mango chutney and the Hamburger Helper special, you have a decision to make. Do you care if the waiter thinks you're rude? Uh, does the pope wear a funny hat? Being rude to people to deal with your food is like being rude to your acupuncturist.

So I think you just stare back and smile. Even if it's for a while.