My new friend Sam is British. He makes me feel uncomfortable because of the way he talks. He uses words like "aubergine" and "jolly" and "cheeri-o." I hate that. Why can't he use words like "ubiquitous" or "sentimental" or "hella-good?" Like a real human being aka an American.
Sam came over the other day and said "jolly good day, would you like a swim?" I had no idea what that meant. I stared at him for a while and finally said, "Sam, look, I hate to be the guy who tells you this, but NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND YOU!"
Sam and I are no longer friends.
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I think about Australians a lot-how they made up an entire language that reminds me of pig latin, but very cool. I wish I were one of those people who could just 'pick up' other cultures idioms and not feel stupid about it-ya know? Like I wish I could say "Gabe, why don't you come over to my barbie?" Get it? BBQ? See? It wouldn't work
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Gabe. I had to be anonymous cause I couldn't work this thing
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