J-Date

Have you guys ever heard of J-Date? Well it's this Jewish online dating website that connects Jews to other Jews who want to be in a relationship. It's E-Harmony for The Chosen People. Those of you who know me are well aware that I have a girlfriend and I am not one of the thousands of people who use J-Date. Buuuuuuuut I thought what the hell, I'll check it out anyway.

So I created a false name - Jeffrey Silverberg, gave him false information - real estate agent, 6'3, 170 lbs, likes to "chill, smoke hookah, read about Israel, secular, is into sports and likes to go to the beach in the summer." Not bad, right? Kind of a generic Jewish guy. I also threw in that I wet the bed until I was 17. I mean I didn't really want anyone to email me, I didn't want to go on a date, I just wanted to browse...maybe see some people from my past. The picture I put up there was of the guy who was sitting next to me on the train. I pulled one of those "hmm...there's a glare on my blackberry, I have to hold it up right in the face of you, sir and SNAP. Got the picture." We've all done it. The guy wasn't bad looking. Kind of a combination between Adam Sandler and Jack Black (two Jews, BTW).

I got an email this morning from someone named Rachel. I was shocked. What do I do? I freaked out. I could either not write her back and be a jerk and crush her or I could write her back and tell her I'm a fake and crush her. Or I could go along with it. This was a hard choice.

I still haven't decided what to do. As I write this, I have another webpage open to J-Date. I'm going to look at her picture now and then make the decision...stay with me. OK...Rachel from Chicago. God, there are like 100. OK let me look for her screen name. Standby. Wait...what the.... GRANDMA!?!?!?