The Funniest Man in America

Today I met the funniest man in America. "I'm the funniest man in America," he told me from across the room.

This was kind of startling to hear. "What are you talking about?" I said.
"Yeah, it's true. I mean I don't get it. Someone named me the funniest man in America. The funny thing is, I don't feel funny. I'm depressed, I have a terrible family, I teach piano lessons, I have 12 cats, my car was broken into, I eat marshmallows for breakfast, my favorite song is 'Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely,' people refer to me as 'Captain Bozo,' I haven't had a girlfriend in 20 years, blah blah blah." He was rambling.

"Maybe you should take off the clown suit," I said.
"But it makes me look cool," he said.
"...And funny!" I countered.
"Ohhhhhhhhh, I get it!"
The kids just sat there, perplexed.

I no longer hang out at birthday parties.