My First Ballet Class

I'm back. Where'd I go? I was on a month long vacation with Angelina Jolie and her 7 dwarfs. I was trying out for the Harlem Globetrotters. I was on a drinking binge with Lindsay Lohan. That's where I was, ok?

So my girlfriend and I took a ballet class. We thought we should up our grooviness. Note to my readers: if you're trying to up your grooviness, don't go to a ballet class. The instructor was a 70 year old woman who clearly used to be a good dancer but now every time she does the Macarena her back goes out. Every time she attempts the Mambo #5 a little pee comes out.

There were about 30 of us - 15 couples. We were an eclectic bunch - varying ages, varying ethnicities, varying sexes, varying body types. The couple to our left didn't speak a word of English. When the instructor lady said, "now first position!" the couple would break into the Moonwalk and yell, "Mickey Yakjon!" When she would say, "second position!" the couple would make out gratuitously. It was hot.

I was so distracted by these two that I learned nothing. I'm moving to Greece or Iraq or wherever they were from. Ballet seems way more interesting over there.